Let’s face it moms, screen time can be a beautiful thing. It provides a moment of peace in our homes where we can get a breather.
NO PROBLEMO, I vote yes to screens.
BUT… when we find we’ve been able to reorganize the pantry, clean out the garage, have a long overdue phone call with our favorite sister and STILL NOT HEAR A PEEP FROM OUR CHILD, it’s a problem.
To clarify: it’s OUR problem, not THEIRS.
But we’re all about solutions, so grab your cup of coffee and listen up. We’ve got this.
Screen time, like anything else in our child’s lives, is something we must quickly assess as a positive or negative activity. You can’t ride the fence here, you must pick one. Once we categorize it, we work with it.
I hate to tell you what you already know, but Screen Time is one of those activities that falls into the NEGATIVE BUCKET. (Despite what they tell us, we know they aren’t spending all that time working on their math skills.)
In my house, there are 5 RULES REGARDING SCREEN TIME:
1. Screen Time is a privilege, Not a right.
It is EARNED as a result of meeting pre-set obligations. If the House Rules aren’t followed, screen time isn’t earned. No questions asked. This verdict is delivered calmly to our kids despite the sh*tstorm that may ensue.
2. My children are NOT given free reign to the INTERNET.
When using devices with internet access, my 10 yr old does NOT have such access. He may watch Netflix, Amazon Prime and Disney NOW. I frequently enter the playroom to be sure he’s watching age appropriate programs. My 13 yr old has access but we use parental blocks. We also use Circle (free app from Disney) that allows us to enter each IP address for all devices and then pause WIFI or any device we desire. My 15 yr old has access and we constantly monitor his usage. He loves youtube for short funny videos to help waste his time away. He has great desire to be an A student and is heavily involved in sports so his usage is not a huge problem but I have many conversations regarding content on the internet. My husband and I also review his searches every now and again to stay in the loop. (Parenting can be exhausting, yes? But just keep your on eye on the prize mamas… this isn’t forever I promise!)
3. Logging in for Homework is done in Full View.
The internet is too tempting and kids won’t stay on track if left to their own devices. Pun intended😊.
4. Video games and personal devices (tablets/laptops) in any form are acceptable only on Fridays, Saturday or Sundays.
They may have up to 2 hours total on each of these 3 days. Time may not be carried over. When House Rules are not followed, this screen time is lost for the day. If this happens on a Sunday, they do not have their personal devices or video games until the following Friday.
5. “Regular” TV time is allowed 60-90 minutes any day and only after homework fully completed.
Remember, this TV Time is earned, and therefore withheld on any particular day if House Rules are not followed. (For example, if the Morning Routine wasn’t fully carried out, No TV time today. If your kids spoke fresh to you after school or grumbled during homework, there’s NO TV time today.) The trick is to let them know calmly when they haven’t earned the TV. It would sound like this:
“Charlie, remember how you complained all morning before the school bus came that you didn’t want to go to school? Well, I’m sorry but you know that in order to earn TV, you can’t complain about going to school. I’m sure tomorrow you won’t complain before school and then you’ll have TV time when you get home.” (Mind you, when Charlie was whining that morning I would have definitely reminded him that he was going to have a consequence if he didn’t stop. Typically this works, but sometimes the whining persists, and therefore so does the consequence.)
NOW–Be prepared for the ginormous tantrum that will ensue when the TV/Screen time is removed as a consequence. That’s ok. This is just part of the MOM Job Description. Remind them above their cries that if they continue having a meltdown then you will have to remove tomorrow’s TV as well. But don’t be a total monster here. Provide a couple of suggestions such as legos, books (blah), bike riding or jumping on the trampoline. You guys could take a trip to the local playground or library. Perhaps they have a friend coming over today. No worries, just remind them there is no screen time with their friend. (AND if they don’t calm themselves within a reasonable time, say 10-15 min, … you MUST stick to withholding TV time the FOLLOWING day! And God forbid, if the following day is also Fri/Sat/Sun you need to remind them that they will lose ALL electronics as well that day, not JUST TV. Good luck on that one. I hope you have a really good set of earplugs.)
6. Bonus Rule
Family Movie/TV watching WITH MOM/DAD is a treat and allowed IN ADDITION TO NORMAL VIEWING RULES. This BONUS time is at the discretion of MOM and DAD. (Be careful here! If your child has lost screen time on a particular day for ANY reason, he/she cannot join the Family Movie Night!!)
Bottom Line
- Reasonable use of Screen time is fine, but realize kids won’t manage their screen time appropriately. (They’re kids, remember?)
- Expect that your child WILL do something to blow their screen time. Don’t sweat it. Remember YOU’RE in charge, not them.
The Key is Staying Strong, Adhering to the Rules, and Being Consistent.
But you’re a mom. You already knew that.
Carolyn offers encouragement and knowledge so other moms can experience the same successful results as her son. One of her older sons, also ADHD, struggled for YEARS with O.D.D. symptoms. She wants you to know you can have control over symptoms even when given that VERY overwhelming ADHD or O.D.D. diagnosis.