Keeping our kids healthy and safe is our top priority; educating them follows right behind. Those of us blessed to live in an excellent school district can rest well knowing our children are being educated with the latest tools and top notch teachers. But when we have children who struggle with learning differences coupled with ADHD, we have to evaluate whether our public school is the best option for our child.
Let’s Pause. Can I just say ‘this really sucks’? Sometimes I just want to be the mom who has the typical kid who learns easily, makes friends easily and for all intents and purposes enjoys school. And guess what? I AM that mom. For SOME of my kids.
But I’m NOT that mom for some of my other kids. And that’s ok. I’ve already had my pity party (and quite frankly the refreshments were terrible and the entertainment sucked, so I left.)
Once you accept that some of your kids require different care, you just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and find the care they require.
SO let me help you sort it all out.
Raising 6 kids, I’ve had the blessing of trying various school models over the years to best meet the needs of my children. They included:
- Public school
- Homeschool (“Really?,” you ask. “Yes, really” she replies.)
- Christian school
- Montessori school
- Catholic school
YUP, I’ve done it all. And for the most part, we’ve had great success at our public school. In the early years, I chose private schools as a preference, not a requirement. As our family grew, the needs changed and I learned that schooling was not always a One Size Fits All. I got comfortable with thinking outside the box so my kids could be educated in the way that best suited their learning styles.
How Do You Decide Whether to Step Out of Your Current School?
That’s easy. You’re the mom, you KNOW if what they’re doing is working or not. Don’t get scared. Realizing the current system isn’t working doesn’t mean you have to SWITCH schools. It just means you may need to tweak the current arrangement to best fit your child.
So let’s start there.
Your child is in public school and struggling. If you haven’t had a meeting with the child services team, you are going to email TODAY and request a meeting because you would like your child tested so they can have the resources they need to succeed at school. All schools must abide by this parent request and they will respond with a meeting request and your child’s evaluation will then be underway. Your hope is to get an IEP put in place for your child. (This is an Individualized Education Plan tailored to teach your child in light of his deficits.)
If you have gone the route of testing and your child did not qualify for an IEP, you can still get an education plan in place. Your next step (if not already done at this point) is to get your child’s ADHD (or other) diagnosis in writing by a medical practitioner. Even if you are not going the route of medication, having a medical diagnosis for the ADHD will provide required reasoning for a specialized plan for your child in the classroom. Accommodations such as preferential seating, extra time for test taking, and devices to assist them in the classroom i.e., ‘text to speech’ usage on a personal laptop, are all elements that can be part of a 504 Plan. Take a breath and go one step at a time to assist your child in having the best environment for them.
But getting an IEP or 504 should not be your goal. Your goal is to have a successful relationship with your child’s administrators and teachers. When we come together on our child’s behalf we must understand there are NOT unlimited resources in any school environment. Having an open and kind dialogue always sets the stage for the best collaboration.
But What If the IEP or 504 Are Clearly Not Cutting it?
Well mamas, it’s time to look to other options. Many of us have strict budget constraints, and expensive private school is out of the question. Please don’t let your budget be your roadblock. Leave no stone unturned when you look to private schools, despite the price tag. My dear friend has a 11 yr old who has both ADHD and mild/moderate Dyslexia. Ouch. She did what she could to get him assistance in his public school at age 8 but quite frankly their best couldn’t even Touch his needs. She then looked into the best private schools that specialized in his needs and brought the request to her school to have them fund it. (If the need is severe enough, the request can be granted when your public school is not equipped to educate.) Unfortunately, the public school would not provide funding as they decided they could adequately serve him. It was tough for my friend because she knew her child was about to Fall Through The Cracks. So she didn’t give up and instead removed him from public school and put him in a small Christian school for a couple of years. The gentle teaching environment restored his fragile self-esteem but then my friend needed to take up the search again as she could see he was still struggling with the academics. And then she found it. A perfect private school for both the ADHD and dyslexia– all for the small price tag of just 25% of her family’s annual take home pay. She didn’t know what to do and this new school gave only pennies for financial aid. But she and her husband bit the bullet and decided even if they could only afford a couple of years, then that’s what they’d do.
Her son did a complete 180. He’s thriving. His dyslexia is now graded as mild and he wakes up happy to go to school. My friend jokes that they will have zero retirement funds but doesn’t regret one cent going towards his fancy shmancy school.
What About Homeschooling as an Option?
This can be an excellent choice for your family. Homeschooling my daughter completely changed the trajectory of her young life. Kate, now 22, had severe auditory processing issues and I chose to go out on a limb and try homeschooling when she was in the 5th grade. I had absolutely NO IDEA how to do this, but I DID know that if I didn’t try SOMETHING we’d lose her. I knew when Kate was taught in a one-on-one environment she could absorb and retain information far better than she could in a group setting. With Google as my co-pilot, I dove into the homeschooling world and continued there for 4 years until Kate went off to our public high school. I met the most supportive warrior mamas during this time. I noticed most homeschooled their whole families, many starting out to help just one particular child then diving in with the others after they saw the amazing benefits. If you are concerned about the social aspects of homeschooling I will tell you that you share that concern with EVERY OTHER homeschooling family. What this means is that there are tons of homeschooling groups whose members are just tickled pink to meet you and your children. Every mom I met was more than happy to show me the ropes and offer suggestions on what programs to use as I educated my child through middle school. Those years of homeschooling allowed Kate to rebuild her self-esteem and learn at her own pace, and gave me the much needed emotional rest from the constant struggle of trying to re-teach Kate everything she learned at school so she could perform adequately on tests. And if you are already contemplating homeschooling but think you are ABSOLUTLEY NOT EQUIPPED TO TEACH YOUR CHILD SUCCESSFULLY, I will pass along the advice my husband gave me. It was late at night and I quite frankly was freaking out about my decision to remove her from the 5th grade only 2 months into the school year. My wonderful husband was not even fully on board with my homeschooling plan but he KNEW I had Kate’s best interests in mind. He took me by the shoulders (quite possibly to stop my impending panic attack) and said this: “Hon, JUST TRY IT. YOU CAN ALWAYS PUT HER BACK IN SCHOOL.” And that was it. That was all I needed to hear. If I didn’t like it, I could send her back to school. I pulled her the next day, and didn’t look back. Even though she was technically in the 5th grade, I went back to concepts from the 2nd and 3rd grade including simple addition in math. Over the next 4 years I taught Kate the equivalent of 7 grade levels and she was prepared to enter our public high school with her peers. Kate still required an IEP for her high school due to the auditory processing but she worked hard and was able to keep pace with her classmates. I was definitely one of the LOUD CLAPPERS at her graduation.
Perhaps homeschooling isn’t an option for you, but maybe a small private school could meet your needs. Christian schools have offered a very kind and loving environment and may be perfect if your child is not in need of great resources. Some kids will flourish in the small classrooms and the tuition is generally not as high as the fancy day schools. Financial aid is also often more generous in these institutions. I love the small family like feeling in Christian (or other religious) elementary schools. I find these best when my child doesn’t require full IEP support but rather just a smaller, slower setting where they can be less overwhelmed. And I’ll be honest, the climate in small religious schools gets points from this mom for not being so quick to have these little ones grow up. Certain topics are withheld to be left to the parents’ teaching, and the general culture is at a slower family-friendly pace.
Yes, all our kids are so different and each have their own learning style. My town’s public school is excellent and our children have received a top notch education. Our youngest, Charlie no longer qualifies for an IEP but is accommodated by his 504 Plan. His teachers go above and beyond to be sure he gets all the support he requires, especially being in the mainstream classroom. With Charlie’s personality and learning style, I expect him to remain in the public school environment through high school. When I see red flags I email the teacher to see how I can best help Charlie on my end, and if perhaps something different can be done in the classroom. My conversations are always with a grateful spirit as I’m truly appreciative for all these wonderful educators and what they do to accommodate my son.
Educating our learning challenged kids can certainly drain you emotionally. But I want to encourage you and remind you that You are doing the best you can for your child. You want the best for them and want them educated so they can grow into a successful young adult living independent from you. I promise it will all be okay and you WILL find the right schooling for them. And if you go out on a limb and make some drastic change to their situation, remember what my very wise husband said, “You can always put them back.”
None of this is permanent, moms. Just take a leap of faith.
You got this.
Carolyn offers encouragement and knowledge so other moms can experience the same successful results as her son. One of her older sons, also ADHD, struggled for YEARS with O.D.D. symptoms. She wants you to know you can have control over symptoms even when given that VERY overwhelming ADHD or O.D.D. diagnosis.